The Familiar Clickety Clickety Clack

It's been quite the journey this last four months or so. From joy to the depths of despair and back again. That kind of ride changes you and I guess the challenge is to go with the changes but not to let the changes reach your core.

I am the same person inside but my shell is tougher, thicker and I now don't just listen to my gut I act on what it tells me. Anyone looking to use me or manipulate me better think twice is what I'm saying...lol! 

They say it's not the falling down but the getting back up that tells your true character.  The ability to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse...hell, if I can make a purse from the idea to cross a lotus blossom and an armadillo....no problemo!

What I have learned is that when this crap happens you have to pull the weeds in your garden, pour acid on them if that's what it takes and sure it may mess up the soil for a while but nature will do it's cleanse and eventually things will go back to balance.  And as the acidity level of the soil was changed different things grow.  For me it means my designs have changed a bit....right now they are simpler, and many include my polymer work which leads me right into kitting my designs.  Kitting is a whole different ballgame and takes a lot more $$ to do but using my own components and starting small I can do this :)

One thing I love about making my own components....I can put the bloody holes anywhere I want them and as many as I want! *grin* I have 24 holes in one design....try that with glass! 

What also has seemed to happen is a clearer view of my design aesthetic, what I enjoy doing and want my work to be. Fun is what bubbles to the surface, fun, happy designs in powerful colors. And, of course, full of originality and inventiveness.  The hardest thing is going to be hopping back to the designs that got left in the lurch....Tilt-A-Whirl, Maypole and Skelter...but I believe if I just change the colors up and take my time I can do it.  I just need to work up to the BIG designs and designing around my polymer seems to be just the right direction to get me back on the path.

Muse on a Leash

Not to mention gagged, blindfolded and locked in the closet!
Why would I do this to my muse?  Because even though I haven't been able to work with the stress and depression one thing that never stops is design ideas.
That part of my brain never seems to be hindered....I actually have to zone out to stop it because there's nothing more frustrating than a head full of ideas and no way to make them come to life.

The last week or so has seen me thinking in tutorials and illustrations again, as I bead, sleep, relax I see visions of thread paths, mutter the words that go along with an illustration/step, ponder which sections to video. But last night saw something that's been missing for months....beading one project, then right on to the next without pause and staying up late to finish beading a section. Actually enjoying the beading process!
THAT is normality for me.

Tuscadero

Of course I won't feel like I'm back in the game until I release a new tutorial and that is the goal this month and that will be "Tuscadero" as I need to start small. I have decided to sell a kit for this one as it has one of my tusks/fangs/spikes and matching/coordinating top pearl..may as well do the lot. Supplies are ordered and I'll be making some special tusks/fangs (curved) and spikes (straight) to match.  They are special in the fact that they have 'tri-holes' which takes some careful work with my Dremel.

And a snippet of the next project. This one is developing as I bead and I'm going to have to KISS it (Keep It Simple Stupid) as I can already see the path forming to take it way beyond it's first imaginings. Leash that muse!

I'm also excited that the German polymer clay I pre-ordered a couple of months back is now in stock and should be arriving in my mailbox very soon. It's supposed to be the most translucent of the polymers and that's exactly what I need for some of my designs....really hoping it will work. 

I do still have to keep my feet on the ground even though it's exciting to get my mojo back. I still have a couple of things left to do in my new store and that's not even counting all the polymer fangs I have to list but I'm back to making a 'To Do' list (and actually checking things off).  I know I can't overwhelm myself and have to just take my time....maybe not baby steps....toddler steps :)