That's my answer today to the "how are you feeling?" question.
But, I think it's normal, given that I am changing things up, of course it being a normal reaction doesn't change the jittery stomach. I find myself waking in the middle of the night thinking "am I doing the right thing?" and I answer yes and go back to sleep because I know it's the direction I need to go in. I feel like painting "You can do this!" in 3 foot letters around my workroom to cheer myself on.....and wonder if you can hire an exorcist to get rid of doubt.
I think when you have doubts you need to face them head on, find the fear that creates the doubt and do something about it. One of my fears is if I am a good teacher, I have taught people to bead, and to bead well, I've seen pictures of people taking classes with the top instructors and it looks like I teach exactly like they do but I still have that doubt. The answer is to take a class with a top instructor and I think that's going to be a goal for me....not cheap when you're struggling financially but I think it's what I need. Of course I'd totally enjoy taking a class especially with with one of my fave designers, so I may have to make it a joint Christmas and birthday gift, one of the bonuses of having a birthday near Christmas...lol! The class fund will be started today, if only with a dollar! I guess I need to start looking at workshops.
I think seeing someone else teach will be just what I need, I know I write great instructions, do wonderful illustrations and take decent photos. I know I have the patience required and that I design original pieces. So, I'm almost there, just need a bit more confidence.
I'm still waiting for bead deliveries to complete some colorways for Gideon's Wheel....I'm loving the Peace Jade version but can't wait to do the Black Onyx sample, which will be mine....all mine! Wicked Weave is awaiting more turquoise fire-polish to finish the Chocolate/Turquoise colorway and in the same order the Unakite beads arrive for the Coral/Olive version.
And the nerves.....I keep shutting them in the closet.
Doubt is a good thing, Mikki: it keeps us on our toes and prevents complacency...even if it is taxing on the nerves. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteDo you remember the first time you jumped off the high diving board? I do. But what I focus on when I'm scared is the thrill of finally doing it and how EASY all the subsequent jumps and dives became. It's too bad you can't make all those changes right now, today. The height of our fears seems to be directly related to the time it takes us to do what we're afraid of. I KNOW you are doing the right thing and, deep inside, you do too. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteI'd bet you're a wonderful teacher. But like you say, sometimes you just have to prove things to yourself. Good luck with your fund!
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies. I think I'm also tackling the problem in another way.....illustrating in major detail which also eases the worry of teaching. A picture paints a thousand words, so large, detailed, step-by-step illustrations should keep me from putting my foot in my mouth:)
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