The vacuum cleaner of time, fun, positivity and hope that is my family struck again losing me an entire day of work and sending me into depression.
I realise there is a pattern to this, every time work is going well and I'm happy my family comes up with something to knock the stuffing out of me.
I can hear the words of my therapist from years ago telling me this is what I should expect from them and the only defense is distance....and the word "no".
I decided this year my new response to this crap is to immediately put myself at the top of my list and any demands/needs of said family at the bottom. I'm basically on strike as far as my family is concerned.
So...I'm tucked away in my studio working on the Urchin Wings: Peacock Mirror Pendant/Brooch....slower than normal but getting there. All the illustrations are done....and redone (note to self: do not illustrate when upset), and today I'm writing the words.
Yesterday I had two deliveries, one, a pack of beads and the other the rolling case with 18 full size jewelry trays...finally somewhere to store all the finished samples for my designs and not just little jewelry boxes scattered everywhere. Not to mention they will all be packed and ready to go if I ever get out of here.
And I will get out of here....come hell or high water!
good for you! Focusing on something different and something you enjoy is definitely the way to go! Deliveries of pretty things are always fun too, I'm a little jealous :P
ReplyDeleteHi Mikki, I can totally relate to family drama and all the bullshit that comes along with it,note, this is not my children or my husband, but my siblings and my mom at times. You are doing the right thing by establishing boundaries and doing what you need to do for yourself in order to stay healthy and positive. But the going gets tough at times, and you will get through it, and you WILL get out of there. Focus on what you want, stay strong and know that you have much support and strength always sent your way.
ReplyDeleteSending big hugs your way. I hope your deliveries cheered you up, they always make me feel better.
ReplyDeleteHello Mikki, I really relate to your feeling that your family is a vacuum of time and fun. There is someone in my extended family that we call with affection the "black hole", because they are a vortex for all that is fun and light in this world. Aah who is it that said we spend our lives getting over our childhoods?
ReplyDeleteBut you don't have to be pulled in. Please yes, do put your list and needs at the top of your list. You are worth it! You are a great artist.
Stay strong - M
I think this is the weekend for family drama and I totally feel your pain Mikki...
ReplyDeleteAnd you are absolutely right to pull yourself away from the drama and the bullshit and just do what you need to do for you!
We will wait patiently for your new tutorials, so don't even worry about being behind schedule...just take care of you and don't let anyone sidetrack you into depression!
And how exciting to get all those packages in the mail...can't wait to see your new storage system on wheels...it sounds like a perfect solution to the storage/travel problem. And an excellent get away plan for any emergency exit!
Well....after three traumatic, emotional days I spent last night from 2:30am trying to figure out a solution. So....next Sunday I drive Mom the ten hours to Fresno to show her three senior apartment complexes. Of course, my trip to Vegas for bead shopping has now become a stop by on the way back with Mom in the car no doubt tapping her foot because I'm taking so long. I think I'll make her go in the store with me so she can get a clue about what I do and that it's a real job!
ReplyDeleteI figure with time away and the exhaustion after I'll lose a week of work. Will it solve anything? Maybe....maybe not. But it will be the last of the discussion...cos I am so done with it. Anyone would think I'm an only child having to do all of this on my own.
While I can see the future benefits of getting these things started now, to help ease your mother's transition to California, it truly sucks that you cannot even go bead shopping on your own!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can somehow arrange some time for your mother to stay and visit (on her own!) with some of the people in these new communities while you slip out for a little bead shopping in Fresno! Even an hour or two...or three?
I know that hardly makes up for an overnight trip to Vegas (by yourself), but at this point you might have to steal those precious moments alone whenever you can get them! (if you can get them at all)
I don't even want to presume to know half of what you're going through, but I do know that it sucks, and it's wreaking havoc on your life.
You are a good person and you are a strong woman...and you have done the right thing all these years by being there for your mother.
Family is one of those things that we have no part in choosing, we just get who we get. You have been the one to shoulder the weight for your entire family...and it's a thankless job for the most part. But it is time for you to get your own life back, and it's right around the corner!
So just keep your eye on the prize, your freedom and independence! Your own place, where you can be all by yourself whenever you want.
But in the meantime you might just have to officially emancipate yourself from the rest of your family for your own peace of mind!
So hang in there Mikki...you have our support for what it's worth.
It's worth a lot!! Carol Dean had commented that I was sticking to my guns and I really hadn't. I had somehow been manipulated into exactly what I didn't want. So....I had to do another round of discussion....which is not pleasant. But apparently I look as bad as I feel right now so Mom agreed that she didn't really need to see the places and that she had decided on one. My middle of the night research had found the right place and given her the information she needed. I'm too stressed to be going to Vegas this week so I'm just going to get as caught up as I can with work and then schedule an overnight stay in Vegas where I can bead shop and get a massage. It's been five years since I have had even a night away for myself. Thanks for the support...I don't have a sounding board here so you guys get to be it :) Don't know what I'd do without you <3
ReplyDeleteOh MikkI! Five years?? Really?? Where are your siblings? I don't know details, so I will bite my tongue, however I am extremely disappointed for you about your trip to Vegas.If I lived closer to you I would MAKE you go to Vegas! heck I would work out something, and then go with you! ;-) I am sorry it is such difficult times.
ReplyDeleteThanks :) Yeah...one sibling who hasn't even called Mom since September when she was upset and he hung up on her. Had her stay with him for 3 days in the last seven years and he ignored her so much HE doesn't even remember her being there. She was miserable and won't go again...not that she's been invited. My sibling was furious that on our last trip to Fresno I left Mom napping at the hotel while I went for cocktails downstairs with a friend...."she left you alone???" In an entire week I was away from her for a total of six hours...while she was napping. I've decided to put off Vegas until I know the deadline for the BABE show...and then if I can't get things done in time it wasn't meant to be. My "no stress" diet :)
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