Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The Big Day

Today is the day of the first Dixie Beading Society meeting. My baby gets to take it's first steps....question is "will it fall flat on it's face"?
There is a fear, of course, that our beading society will succumb, like so many have, to the wrong kind of know the ones...the bitchy, stab-you-in-the-back kind. I've already met some of those women and late at night I can hear them heckling me....the paranoia hour.
I've always been someone who believed in women, who has her friends' backs and tries to help any way I can. We are so much stronger if we stick together. But the reality is that a lot of women aren't that way...they'll bitch about you behind your back while smiling sweetly at your face, they'll not think twice about taking your boyfriend or flirting with your husband. And, I think most of all, they seem to hate another woman suceeding and will do anything to bring her down.
The last bit was a big part of the reason I quit my last job, a woman who was determined to not see anyone else succeed in her old job to the point that she actually sabotaged them. And that's not paranoia talking....she actually told me how she was going to sabotage her successor.....then later tried to pull the same stunts on me.
So...I have some fears.
A saving grace is that I've just reconnected with some of the great women I know in California, friends of years, but who I haven't seen much since I've been here in Utah. I recently joined Facebook and found my girls again. They remind me that there are some awesome women out there and it is possible to have great women friends. That's a lesson I learned late in life as I was always the girl the 'mean girls' the point that they almost killed me a few times (and no, I'm actually not being over dramatic).
I don't want to be negative because I have met some great women here, women I hope will be long term friends but I just can't seem to shake that nervousness.
I just need to remember to stay centered, hold on to me, go in with an open heart and a positive attitude. Spray Raid on the demons under my bed and trust in karma. Of course there's always that visualization of a bucket of ice water being dumped on the mean girls...that always makes me feel better.

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